A Day In
Today's little bit of nowhere has seen its share of perplexing things: from invading, furry Shih-tzu puppies who hogged my entire side of the bed, to all of us in the store being wholly amazed that in the middle of summer, our Head Office sent us mittens and scarves ; from Mel opening up the mail and discovering that Immigration Canada has indeed approved me for Mel's sponsorship (meaning she gets to stay here in Canada, and all that's left is the last and longest wait to hear for her final 'landed' status being approved so she can legally work here), to shaved Shih-tzu puppies who now look a little like funny, oversized rats and are still hogging my entire side of the couch; from an unexpected panzerotti dinner that saw Mel stealing most of my panzerotti's innards (well, the bacony parts at any rate) to an impromptu drive around the city where I somehow defied all logic and not once managed to get us lost...though I did manage to randomly have us to turn left at the only intersection that led us into a car dealership's parking lot rather than an actual street.
In other news, I see that the World Weekly News is reporting that (shock!) over half of the U.S.'s prostitutes are actually space aliens (double shock!). Which does beg the question: just how did they collect and compare all this information? Did their intrepid journalists take it upon themselves and, ready & willing to bear the burden of truth, do extensive field research with each suspected alien? I'm just scratching my head over trying to figure out how exactly one knows that the person giving them a blowjob (one word, remember!) is an alien; is their technique that different from ours?
Those of who feel the rising urge to make smartass remarks about how specifically an alien blowjob differs from a human blowjob should be advised to take their observations to Letters To Penthouse instead on my inbox...
"Joy!" of the Day: we're that much closer to Mel being totally accepted in Canada as a resident!
"Gyaaaa" of the Day: just where the hell is Head Office expecting us to put the 50-odd boxes of shipment we received today, now that our stockroom is overflowing from the combined 150 boxes we've received in total from Monday to Wednesday? I half expect to file an incident report in the near future, detailing how one of my co-workers got buried alive beneath a pile of boxes or backpacks.
Ominous Thought of the Day: given all the problems faced by Athens for the 2004 summer Olympics, should we be worried that the games officially begin on Friday the 13th?
posted by Phillip at 4:32 PM
Trauma
Here's a shortlist of things Mel didn't need to see tonight as we were walking Shady:
1) completely-naked female neighbour
2) completely-naked male neighbour
3) completely-naked male neighbour holding his favourite "friend"
4) complete-naked neighbours subsequently having sex doggy-style in front of an open patio door, on the second floor, with no blinds covering said window, with the living room lights on.
For some reason that completely escapes me, this entire scene completely escaped me and my notice until after we had walked past said window. I feel as though I've somehow missed out on something, especially with the way Mel has been restlessly pacing the apartment and ranting about how she didn't want or need to see our neighbour's favourite sexual positions. Though it has been amusing to see her speech patterns devolve into frantic, exasperated squeaks.
I suppose it's just as well that I missed this entire display of exhibitionism; I'd probably get slapped by Mel and branded a pervert. Yet it certainly has brought a smile to my face in watching Mel suffer quite the cute little panic attack as the trauma of what she saw continues to hurt her.
And here you thought this was going to be another little bit of nowhere about
our sex lives again. Ah, so close, yet so far away! Well, as far away as the apartment two floors down, and on the other side of the hallway, at any rate.
Today's Lesson: there is nothing wrong with the human body, nor is there anything wrong about couples having sex. Mel, however, would please ask that you take this post to heart and, should you feel the urge to get down with the jungle boogey, please don't do it in plain view where she can see it.
(I still can't believe I didn't even notice any of this....)
posted by Phillip at 8:07 PM
